Unconventional Therapy

“Hug please.” I looked around to see who said that.  DJ and I were alone in the house.  I never expected to hear him say that.

DJ came to live with us at the age of seven.  I use the name DJ to protect his privacy as he now lives in a lovely and caring group home in a small town in NY State.

He came wearing a diaper, unable to feed himself, and drinking from a baby bottle.  He avoided us and hated for anyone to touch him.  Haircuts, nail clips, doctor appointments, and other regular necessities resulted in nightmarish screaming and fighting.

Beside that, he flopped whenever he tried not to do something. He sometimes ripped his clothes off to voice his displeasure.  He spoke only a few words and made nonsense noise most of the time. He often bit his arms until they looked like hamburger and banged his head on windows, cars, or whatever was handy.  He hopped out of cars onto the road or highway when he thought they were going the wrong way.

I wondered how to treat this impossible child and came up with my own unconventional therapy.  First, I threw out the bottle and offered a sippy cup with milk, juice, or water at meals and in between.  He drank nothing for two days and I started wondering how long one can live without water.  On the third day, he grabbed the cup, downed the contents, and soon graduated to a glass.

That problem solved I turned to the self-feeding problem which posed significant problems.  It took a year to get him out of diapers and into big boy pants.  I will address these, and other, issues in later posts.

One day, something inspired me to hug him. I chased him around the house, caught him, and sat down in a rocking chair.  I just held him while he screamed and fought like a little animal.  After a few minutes, I let him go.

I did this everyday and gradually increased the time to 15 or 20 minutes.  After many days of this torture for both of us, he stopped fighting and let me sing to him.  He enjoyed music and it calmed him.

One day, he willingly climbed into my lap and I rejoiced.  Eventually, he let me hug him at odd moments throughout the day.  He never grew into an affectionate person, but he seemed to notice people more, a small victory.

I do not know if my unconventional therapy would work for others and I am not recommending it.  However, I wonder if it would hurt.  It is kind, loving, and it brought a measure of civility to my life with him.

I never expected him to ask for a hug but he did.

Finding Out a Child is Autistic

Expecting parents hold up such hope for their children.  They think of what they hope the child will become and the things he/she may accomplish in life.  They watch as the child grows and learns.  They marvel at his first steps, the  milestones she reaches, and the frist words.

Everything seems normal at first.  The child progresses well.  At some point, the parent notices some puzzling changes.  He stops talking or babbles nonsense.  He no longer catches your eye or seems to notice you are there.  Sometimes she acts like family members are the same as furniture or other things in the environment. 

The parent mentions this at the pediatrician's office at a scheduled appointment.  Sometimes the doctor says she will outgrow the problem.  Every child progresses to his own schedule.  Not to worry!

Very soon the problem is undeniable. Perhaps the doctor sends him for an evaluation with pediatric specialists.  Sometimes the doctor is very aware of the problem and diagnoses Autism.

Whichever way the diagnoses comes, it is shocking and sobering.  You wonder what this means for your child.  One in 150 children get this diagnosis and most find out when the child is preschool age.

The good news is that many of these children are high functioning and can benefit from education and training.  Therapy helps these children learn to speak and act as normal children do.  Training programs exist to help with behavior and communication  problems.

Others have more serious problems and need the advocacy of doctor, parents, educators, and others who can give them a voice and help parents decide what is best for their child, your child perhaps.

Autism may mean a different path in life than what a parent hopes but it doesn't have to mean a bad life or a hopeless existence.

Autistic individuals have accomplished many different things.  Some have graduated from college with honors.  Some have written books and given speeches.  Most are normal or above normal in intelligence.  Some excel at sports.  Many get meaningful jobs in the community when grown.  With teaching and therapy, your child has no limits on what he can do.