“Hug please.” I looked around to see who said that. DJ and I were alone in the house. I never expected to hear him say that.
DJ came to live with us at the age of seven. I use the name DJ to protect his privacy as
he now lives in a lovely and caring group home in a small town in NY State.
He came wearing a diaper, unable to feed himself, and
drinking from a baby bottle. He avoided
us and hated for anyone to touch him.
Haircuts, nail clips, doctor appointments, and other regular necessities
resulted in nightmarish screaming and fighting.
Beside that, he flopped whenever he tried not to do
something. He sometimes ripped his clothes off to voice his displeasure. He spoke only a few words and made nonsense
noise most of the time. He often bit his arms until they looked like hamburger
and banged his head on windows, cars, or whatever was handy. He hopped out of cars onto the road or
highway when he thought they were going the wrong way.
I wondered how to treat this impossible child and came up
with my own unconventional therapy.
First, I threw out the bottle and offered a sippy cup with milk, juice,
or water at meals and in between. He
drank nothing for two days and I started wondering how long one can live
without water. On the third day, he
grabbed the cup, downed the contents, and soon graduated to a glass.
That problem solved I turned to the self-feeding problem
which posed significant problems. It
took a year to get him out of diapers and into big boy pants. I will address these, and other, issues in
later posts.
One day, something inspired me to hug him. I chased him
around the house, caught him, and sat down in a rocking chair. I just held him while he screamed and fought
like a little animal. After a few
minutes, I let him go.
I did this everyday and gradually increased the time to 15
or 20 minutes. After many days of this
torture for both of us, he stopped fighting and let me sing to him. He enjoyed music and it calmed him.One day, he willingly climbed into my lap and I rejoiced. Eventually, he let me hug him at odd moments throughout the day. He never grew into an affectionate person, but he seemed to notice people more, a small victory.
I do not know if my unconventional therapy would work for
others and I am not recommending it.
However, I wonder if it would hurt.
It is kind, loving, and it brought a measure of civility to my life with
him.
I never expected him to ask for
a hug but he did.
